Activity Options

By "activity options" we mean all the options we have for sexual expression.

This includes forms of expression we can explore on our own as well as options involving another person of the opposite sex or the same sex.

Sexual energy is a creative force that can be channeled into sexual activity or into work, spiritual growth, or artistic expression such as painting or poetry. For some people, celibacy (choosing for a period of time not to have sex) may be a choice that enhances other aspects of their lives.

But even within a more conventional interpretation of sexual expression, we're talking about a lot more than just intercourse here. (We're using the word "intercourse" to refer to either vaginal or anal penetration.)

Because our culture seems preoccupied with sex as intercourse, we tend to miss out on a rich array of possibilities that can be just as satisfying or more satisfying than intercourse.

There's so much more to being sexual than "having sex" in the usual sense of the word.

In fact, when a couple is having sexual problems, it's pretty standard procedure for a sex therapist to ask them to refrain from having intercourse for a period of time and explore other forms of erotic intimacy instead.

So what kinds of things might people do when they want to be sexually intimate in a satisfying way without having intercourse?

• feeding each other finger foods
• flirting
• self pleasuring, alone or with a partner
• touching your partner's body
• oral sex
• phone sex
• strolling arm in arm
• sharing fantasies
• stripping for each other
• holding hands
• necking
• massaging each other
• gazing into each other's eyes
  

These activities "expand your repertoire", help you get to know each other better, and build trust. They also pose little or no risk of pregnancy or STD transmission. They can be done instead of intercourse or in addition to it, and provide a high level of pleasure and satisfaction limited only by your creativity.

The important thing to remember is that you have a choice. Only you can decide what's right for you.

Give yourself permission to explore the things that appeal to you and don't violate your values, and to say "No thanks," to anything that feels wrong to you for whatever reason.

By the way-We're not saying you should or shouldn't have intercourse, only that there are many other options.

Just remember that if you do opt for intercourse, the risk increase and you need to value yourself enough to use effective birth control and STD prevention.