Not only that, but you must re-learn how to have sex with each new partner because different people have different feelings, needs and desires.

Even if you keep the same partner, his or her needs will likely change from situation to situation.

The need for communication in sex-as in life-is ongoing.

Some people find it difficult to talk about sex, but it's something we need to learn to if we're to build truly intimate relationships and experience a high level of sexual satisfaction.

After all, intimacy consists of sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, and you're bound to have thoughts and feeling about sex. With practice, talking about sex can become quite erotic in itself.

So, How do you start?

First, you need to find the right time and place to open the discussion. In the throes of passion or anger is not the time to start, nor is it a good idea to open a sensitive issue when you have only a short time or it's likely you'll be interrupted.

Pick a time when you have the freedom to continue the discussion for a while, and a place where your privacy is ensured.

Whether you've actually had intercourse yet or not, you could start by talking about how you feel about talking about sex. You could explore your feelings and make a commitment to communicate in this area, in spite of any anxiety you might feel.

You could also start by going through the "Values" (see the link on the left) part of these webpages with your partner.

You'll probably find it easier to discuss sex and sexuality if you agree to aim for communication that is:

• open (no topics are off limits)
• honest (saying what you really feel rather than what you think your partner wants to hear)
• clear (being direct rather than "beating around the bush")
• specific (focusing on specific actions and feelings rather than vague generalities)
• respectful (realizing that you are two different people, each with a right to your own feelings and preferences)
• aimed at finding a "win-win" solution (one that leaves both partners feeling satisfied)

This type of discussion can be equally valuable for people who are abstinent and want to explore ways of expressing affection, and for people who are looking for new sexual thrills. It can be especially helpful when a couple is having sexual difficulties.

Anytime we're talking about feelings, wants and needs, it's important to use "I" statements. That means making statements like:

• I feel…
• I would prefer…
• I like when you…
• I want…
• I need…

But talking is only one part of communication. Being a good listener is just as important.

Here are some tips that can improve your listening skills:

• Keep your mind on what your partner is saying, rather than how you'll respond.
• Aim at learning something about your partner and increasing your understanding.
• Face your partner and make eye contact. Nod when it seems appropriate.
• Hear your partner out. Don't interrupt.
• Ask clarifying questions if there's something you don't understand.
• When your partner finishes speaking, check to see whether you've got the message they were intending. Try saying something like "So what you're saying is…" and then listen to their response. (Sometimes different people use the same words to mean quite different things.)

It's important to talk not just about problems, but also about things that are going right in your relationship, sexually and otherwise. Again, this positive feedback should be honest, clear, specific, and respectful.

Who wouldn't feel good hearing "Honey, I know you were busy this morning and I appreciated you taking the time to give me a call. It was good to hear your voice."

In any genuine relationship, conflict sometimes arises. When it does, it can be helpful to have a process in place to deal with it.

Here are a few tips:

• Take a break to sort out your feelings. Set a time to get together for further discussion.
• Try to look at the situation from your partner's point of view.
• Remember that you and your partner both have a right to your own feelings and boundaries.
• Stick to the issue at hand. Don't bring up the past.
• Take responsibility for your own feelings. Don't expect your partner to "take care of you."
• Aim for a win-win solution.
• Be prepared to "agree to disagree" if you can't find a solution.

When you get back together to try to resolve the conflict, remember to use the good communication tips we discussed earlier.