Self Esteem

Self esteem refers to how we think about ourselves, or how much we value ourselves. We don't mean conceit or arrogance, but whether we approve of and value who we are as people.

Self esteem is a complex issue and often has its roots in very early experiences.

It's an important part of sexuality because it affects both what we do and how we feel.

People who have a clear and positive sense of their self worth are better able to communicate to others what they want and need. Because they feel secure, they can also "give and take" in an appropriate way without compromising their values.

They're true to themselves because they don't need another person's approval in order to feel good about themselves. Approval is nice, but their sense of being a good person doesn't depend on it.

This can have serious consequences. For example:

Chris is about to have unprotected intercourse with Terry. Chris has herpes and feels really embarrassed about it. Chris doesn't tell Terry, out of fear of losing the relationship. Terry ends up getting herpes, too.

or…

Joe and Anna are about to have intercourse. Joe pulls out a condom. Anna really wants him to like her, so she tells him he doesn't need to use a condom.

If he has good self esteem, Joe may simply smile and say it's his policy to use condoms, and go ahead and use it. If he doesn't have good self esteem, he may not feel confident enough to go ahead and do what he feels is right in order to protect them both. He may risk a pregnancy or an STD because of his low self esteem.

Risky behaviours such as having intercourse without condoms may be an indication of poor self esteem-not valuing yourself enough to use protection.

(See the webpage on values.)

Above is a slider bar depicting levels of self esteem. Think about where you would fall along this slider.

Self esteem can also vary with the situation. You can have high self esteem in one area of life and not in another.

Think about your level of self esteem in the following areas of life:

• intelligence
• sports
• sexuality
• friendship