Myths about Female Sexuality

This section looks at a few of the myths that surround female sexuality. It includes questions you may want to reflect upon, whether you're male or female.

Myth: Women's sexual feeling are not as strong as men's.

Fact: Women's sexual feelings can be every bit as strong as men's. Their desire or drive for sex can be just as powerful and their sexual pleasure can be, as well.

A woman's clitoris contains as many nerves as the head of a man's penis, but in a much smaller area, so the sensations she feels there can be very intense. Some women also enjoy multiple orgasms, whereas this is less common among men.

Every woman is different, and it's also normal to have times when sexual feelings are very strong and other times when they're less so.

How has this myth about women's sexual feelings affected you? How do you feel about it after reading this section? What could you do to reduce this myth's impact on you?

Myth: Women like it hard and fast.

Fact: In real life, women seldom complain about their partners not being hard and fast enough. They do, however, often comment that they'd like to feel more "connected" with their partners and they'd like more tenderness and slow, gentle touching all over their bodies.

This softer, slower style can also be extremely pleasurable for the man and take away the pressure to "perform."

As in all areas of sexuality, there are important differences among individuals and what a particular woman enjoys will normally vary from occasion to occasion. This is an important area where couples need to communicate.

How has this myth about what women want affected you? How do you feel about it after reading this section? What could you do to reduce this myth's impact on you?

Myth: Most women don't masturbate.

Fact: According to most surveys, about two-thirds of women masturbate at some time in their lives. They may do so to relax, to get to sleep, and for various other reasons. They may engage in self-pleasuring whether or not they have a partner.

Most women who masturbate have orgasms through masturbation, and some research indicates that these orgasms tend to be more physically intense than those they have with a partner. This may be because the absence of a partner enables them to focus on their own pleasure.

Many women have their first orgasms through masturbation and then go on to have them with a partner as well. They may also incorporate self-pleasuring into sex with a partner.

How has this myth about self-pleasuring affected you? How do you feel about it after reading this section? What could you do to reduce this myth's impact on you?

Myth: A woman needs to have an orgasm to feel satisfied.

The best way to determine whether your partner is satisfied is to ask her how she's feeling and whether there's anything she needs or wants.

How has this myth about women's need for orgasms affected you? How do you feel about it after reading this section? What could you do to reduce this myth's impact on you?

Myth: "Vaginal orgasms" are better than "clitoral orgasms."

Fact: This is a meaningless distinction, as the clitoris is always involved in triggering orgasms in women, even though a woman may experience orgasms that feel very different from each other.

We know that the clitoris extends much further into the body than originally thought, and this may be why women sometimes feel an orgasm in the vagina more strongly than in the glands or head of the clitoris.

In most cases the clitoris is not stimulated by vaginal penetration, so orgasm is much less likely to occur through intercourse than through stimulation with the hands or mouth.

Again, different women have different needs and preferences for stimulation. Discussion with your partner or showing your partner what you like can help him or her learn how to please you more.

How has this myth about orgasms affected you? How do you feel about it after reading this section? What could you do to reduce this myth's impact on you?

Myth: When a woman says "no" she really means "maybe." You just need to pressure her more.

Fact: This is clearly not true. The law regarding sexual assault makes it very clear that to proceed in sexual activity without your partner's consent is a crime, whether your partner is male or female.

A full discussion of sexual assault is beyond the scope of this program; suffice it to say that it's important for both partners to communicate what they want and don't want. The "Communication" section of this program will help you learn how to do that.

If you have questions about sexual assault, call your local sexual assault centre or visit this web site: www.sace.ab.ca.

How has this myth about saying "no" affected you? How do you feel about it after reading this section? What could you do to reduce this myth's impact on you?

The women's movement has encouraged a greater atmosphere of openness about women's sexuality than existed previously, but the myths we've mentioned here still have a powerful effect on women and men alike.

We would encourage you to be aware of the myths and try to determine what is true about sexuality and sex for you, examining and trusting your own values, feelings and experience. You may find it very beneficial if there is someone you can talk to about these things honestly and openly without fear of being judged.