Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation is an important part of human sexuality. We're all attracted to others.

Most of us are attracted to the opposite sex. About 10% of us are attracted to the same sex, and even more people are attracted to both sexes.

In this section of the program we'll focus on information and issues concerning homosexuality and bisexuality. We don't need to focus on heterosexuality in the same way because it's like the VISA card-it's accepted everywhere and is a part of every culture.

However, there's still widespread misinformation and fear concerning homosexuality. The result is devastating social, personal and institutional discrimination and even violence.

If you're questioning your own sexual orientation, this section will provide basic information to help you understand your orientation, along with resources to help you get support.

Regardless of your orientation, it may provide you with some new insights.

Click on the answers to the following statements to clarify some fact about homosexuality and clear up some common misconceptions.

True or False:

Click on the links below for further information:
Introduction
Terms and Definitions
How Does Someone Know They're Gay?
Coming Out
Homophobia
Resources

Terms and Definitions

Homosexual
Gay
Lesbian
Bisexual
Straight
Queer
Fag
Gender Identity
Dyke
Transvestite
Gender Dysphoria

How does someone know they're gay?

One of the most commonly asked questions about homosexuality is 'How do you know if you're gay?'

Sometimes people worry when they have erotic dreams about people of the same sex or remember exploring the genitals of their same sex friends as children or adolescents. They may think this means they could be gay.

The truth is these experiences are a normal expression of curiosity and a source of learning about the body and sexuality. Many people have had these kinds of experiences and enjoyed them. They do not mean you're gay.

People who are actually gay often have some indication of this from an early age. They may feel quite different from other people. This can be very confusing and stressful, and is often understood only after a great deal of personal struggle.

The following quotes from gay people describe how they first knew they were gay:

"For as long as I can remember I never liked boys like I liked girls. As a young child I always had crushes on my female friends and teachers. I never grew out of that. I know a lot of lesbians who experienced the same thing." (17 year old lesbian)

"I knew I was attracted to other boys, but when I was a teenager I had sex with a lot of girls to try to be straight. I mean, that's what you're supposed to be, right? But that didn't take away how I felt about boys. After a while I stopped trying to fool myself and just accepted was gay." (25 year old gay man)

"I felt different from other girls and didn't have the same interests-you know, getting boyfriends and worrying about the way I looked to the boys. I was more interested in the girls and my school work and sports. When I went to university I met other women who were like me. That helped me to accept myself." (30 year old lesbian)

There are books in the library and at your local gay and lesbian support organization with stories of gays and lesbians and how they first knew about and accepted their sexual orientation.

Coming out

Coming out is a process, often lifelong, in which a person acknowledges, accepts and in many cases appreciates his or her lesbian, gay or bisexual identity.

This involves the sharing of this information with others. An example of how this term could be used is: 'Have you come out to your parents yet?'

True or False:

The following are questions gay people must think about before they come out. If you are gay and thinking about coming out, you may want to write out the answers here and then print them to put in your journal.

(Remember-The computer will erase what you've typed when you leave each screen.)

What do I hope to gain from coming out? Are these expectations realistic?

Can I cope with the possible negative risks of coming out such as alienation from friends and family, losing my job, and losing my living accommodations if I rent?

Is it physically safe for me to come out, or could there be violent consequences?

Am I financially dependent on the people I might tell I'm gay? If they withdrew their support would I be able to take care of myself?

Do I have a strong support network to help me through the process of coming out, or to help me pick up the pieces if I'm faced with rejection?

Am I mentally and emotionally strong enough to face possible rejection and still feel okay about myself?

Staff and volunteers at your local gay and lesbian support organizations can help you decide about coming out. Talking to people you trust to accept you as you are-such as friends, family and clergy-can also be helpful.

Homophobia

Homophobia is the fear and/or hatred of homosexuality and homosexuals. Homophobia results in prejudice, discrimination, harassment, and sometimes acts of violence.

Homophobia also results in many "side effects" for gay people who live with this discrimination every day, including increased risks of suicide and alcohol and drug abuse.

What can you do?

• Don't laugh at homophobic jokes, labeling or graffiti.
• Address incidents of harassment and put-downs whenever they happen.
• Be open to in public about friendships you have with gays and lesbians.
• Don't assume that gays and lesbians are sexually attracted to you.
• Don't assume that everyone you meet is heterosexual.
• Use inclusive language-"partner" rather than "girlfriend.," for example.
• Educate yourself-Read books and pamphlets about homosexuality, talk to gays and lesbians.
• Realize that sexual orientation doesn't define all aspects of any person's life-gay or straight.

Resources

For more information on sexual orientation and homosexuality try the following resources:

• gay and lesbian information and support organizations in your city, on campus, or in your religious organization
• your local PFLAG organization (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
• your public library (Many libraries have a section for gay and lesbian literature)
• your local community health centre
• your local Planned Parenthood office
• the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association web site: www.glna.org

Books

Alyson, Sasha (ed.) Young, Gay and Proud. Alyson Publications, Boston, 1985.

Clark, Don Loving Someone Gay. Signet, NAL Penguin, New York, 1978.