Relationships

Relationships are probably the most complex things we deal with in our lives as human beings. Our relationships with parents, siblings, extended family, friends, teachers, and bosses can all be very complicated, but it's probably our sexual relationships that are the most complex and challenging of all and potentially the most satisfying.

A full exploration of healthy relationships is beyond the scope of this program. However, you may want to have a look at Unhealthy Relationships: Warning Signs.

Relationships have a powerful effect on our sexuality. If, for example, we're in a close respectful, loving relationship, we'll feel and act very differently than if we're in an abusive relationship.

Conversely, every other aspect of sexuality impacts on our relationships: self esteem, body image, personality, values, gender roles, sexual orientation, communication, activity options, and biological sex. Sexual problems can have a profound effect on a relationship.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. However, a couple greatly increases their chances of having a good relationship if they both:

• have good self esteem
• have compatible levels of sexual desire
• have important values and interests in common
• have positive body image
• have well-developed personalities
• agree on appropriate gender roles
• communicate honestly and effectively
• agree on the sexual activities they want to explore

If any of these qualities is missing, developing a healthy, satisfying relationship will be more difficult.

Someone once said that having a great relationship isn't a matter of finding the right partner, it's a matter of being the right partner.

If you are in a relationship or are looking for a relationship, you can start by becoming a good partner, working on the things that are within your power to change.

Pick one and start working on it. The "Resources" section of this program may help you.

We learn about how to be in relationships by watching others close to us and by experimenting in our won relationships.

Previous experience does affect us-both in and out of bed-but it that experience is negative, we can improve our relationship skills by actively working on them. Books and classes offered by Continuing Education departments can be helpful, and so can talking to friends, clergy, teachers, counsellors, or other trusted persons.

NOTE: If any type of abuse is part of your past, professional counselling is highly recommended. Get a referral from a friend of helping agency. (See "Resources.")

If you've ever been in a relationship that involved sexual activity, you know that sex changes relationships.

If you're been in this kind of situation, how did your relationship change after you started having sex? If not, how do you think sex might change your relationship?

What effect would you like your relationship to have on your sexuality? How do you think your sexuality might affect your relationship?

Ira Reiss, a sociologist who has done a lot of work in the area of sexual health, likes to talk about the HER concept. HER stands for:

• Honesty
• Equality
• Respect

He believes that these three ingredients are key to a successful and healthy relationship. Relationships also have the potential to embrace four different realms: the physical, the emotional, the intellectual, and the spiritual. (The spiritual realm may involve religion, or anything else that involves a deep connection to something greater than yourself, such as nature, music, or beauty.)

How much of the pie have you had in your past relationships?

How much of the pie do you have now?

What are you looking for in a relationship? How much of the pie do you want?

How can you get more of what you want?