Premarital Sex and Love: In the Light of Human Experience and Following Jesus

Paul Flaman

Contents of the book
Some Reviews
From the Author's Introduction
The Author My Home Page
Ordering Information

CONTENTS (Note the page numbers listed below refer to the single-spaced printed version--see ordering information below. The parts of this book online are double-spaced with different page numbers.)

Contents and Introduction in PDF format Online

Prayer (3)
Acknowledgments (3)
Abbreviations (8)

INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

Chapter 1 in PDF format Online

CHAPTER I: MAKING GOOD CHOICES (14)
A. Human Fulfillment (14)
B. Forming a Correct Moral Conscience (15)
C. A Basic Human Responsibility (16)
D. A Christian Perspective (18)
E. A Catholic Perspective (20)

Chapter 2 in PDF format Online

CHAPTER II: BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVES ON SEX, MARRIAGE AND LOVE . . . . 23
A. The Old Testament (23)
   1. The General Context (23)
   2. Accounts of Creation of Man and Woman
    and the Fall (24)
   3. Some Narratives of Man/Woman Relationships (26)
   4. Some Laws Concerning Sex and Marriage (29)
   5. Prophetic Literature (30)
   6. Wisdom Literature (32)
B. The New Testament (33)
   1. The Teaching of Jesus According to the Gospels (33)
   2. Some Pauline Teachings (37)
   3. Some Other New Testament Texts (42)
C. Analysis (43)

Chapter 3 in PDF format online

CHAPTER III: CHRISTIAN TRADITION: THREE GREAT DOCTORS
OF THE CHURCH ON SEX, MARRIAGE AND LOVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
A. St. John Chrysostom (45)
   1. His Life and Character (45)
   2. A Summary of Some of His Related Biblical Commentaries (46)
B. St. Augustine of Hippo (51)
   1. His Life and Influence (51)
   2. A Summary of his Teaching on Marriage, Sex and Chastity (53)
   3. On Love and Friendship (57)
C. St. Thomas Aquinas (58)
   1. His Life (58)
   2. A Summary of His Teaching on Love (59)
   3. On Chastity, Virginity, Lust, and Matrimony (62)
D. Analysis (67)

Chapter 4 in PDF format online

CHAPTER IV: SOME CATHOLIC CHURCH TEACHINGS
RELEVANT TO PREMARITAL SEX AND LOVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
A. Pre-Vatican II (71)
B. Vatican II (1962-1965) (77)
C. Pope Paul VI (79)
D. The Vatican's Declaration on Sexual Ethics (1975) (82)
E. Pope John Paul II (85)
F. The Code of Canon Law (1983) (89)
G. The Vatican's Document on Sex Education (1983) (91)
H. United States Catholic Bishops (94)
I. Catechism of the Catholic Church (94)
J. Analysis (95)

Chapter 5 in PDF format online

CHAPTER V: SOME FUNDAMENTAL ELEMENTS
OF A CHRISTIAN ANTHROPOLOGY
WITH RESPECT TO SEX, MARRIAGE AND LOVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97
A. An Integral Vision is Needed (97)
   1. God: "Original" Communion of Persons (98)
   2. Creation: Persons, Sex, Love and Marriage as Good Gifts (99)
   3. Sin: Its Negative Effects on Our Relationships (102)
   4. Incarnation: Jesus as Our Best Friend and Beloved (105)
   5. Redemption: Reconciliation, Healing and New Life (107)
B. The Christian Vocation (111)
   1. Following Jesus (111)
   2. Transformation in Christ (114)

Chapter 6 in PDF format online

CHAPTER VI: SOME CONTEMPORARY ARGUMENTS
AGAINST PREMARITAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 116
A. The Virtue of Chastity Requires Nonmarital Sexual Abstinence (116)
B. A Kind of Behavior That is Always Wrong to Choose (117)
C. Not Motivated by a Properly Ordered Love (122)
D. Many Harmful Consequences (124)
E. Fails to Love Properly Oneself and One's Partner (125)
   Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) (127)
   Premarital Pregnancy (129)
   Some Other Problems Commonly Experienced
    by the Parties to Premarital Sex (132)
F. Fails to Love Properly a Possible Child (134)
G. Fails to Love Properly Other People (136)
H. Fails to Love Properly God, Jesus Christ and His Church (138)
I. Nonmarital Sexual Abstinence and Waiting Until Marriage
   Have Many Advantages (140)
J. The Above Arguments in the Light of Human Experience
   and Christian Faith (142)
K. Forgiveness, Healing, "Restored Virginity", and Hope (143)

Chapter 7 in PDF format online

CHAPTER VII: SOME CONTEMPORARY ARGUMENTS
FOR PREMARITAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND RESPONSES . . . . . . . . . . . 146
A. Some Claim it is Natural or Healthy (146)
B. Some Claim it is a Right (151)
C. Some "Reasons" not Related to a Mutually Caring Relationship (154)
D. Some Say Living Together
   is a Good Way to Test or Prepare for Marriage (156)
E. Some Say it is Important to Test Sexual Compatibility (161)
F. Many Say Premarital Sex is All Right if the Couple Love Each Other (165)
G. Many Say Premarital Sex is All Right
   For the Couple who is Committed and/or Engaged (168)
H. Some Reject Marriage as an Institution
   or Say it is Only a Piece of Paper (175)
I. Relativism, Hedonism, Situation Ethics and Proportionalism (179)
J. Some say "Everyone is Doing It" (184)
K. The Above Arguments in the Light of Human Experience
   and Christian Faith (187)

Chapter 8 in PDF format online

CHAPTER VIII: SOME ISSUES RELATED TO PREMARITAL SEX AND LOVE . .188
A. Masturbation (188)
B. Petting and the Proper Expression of Love in Premarital Relationships (192)
C. Sexual Abuse and Violence (196)
D. Friendship and Dating (199)
E. Choosing a Marriage Partner (203)
F. Preparation for Marriage (210)
G. Celibacy (214)

Chapter 9 in PDF format online

CHAPTER IX: COUNSELING, PASTORAL ACTION,
SEX EDUCATION AND SPIRITUALITY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 219
A. Some Principles of Effective Communication
and Legitimate Cooperation with Others (219)
B. Appropriately Adapted to Those to be Counseled and Educated (226)
C. The Respective Roles of Parents, the Church,
Schools, the Media and Others (Subsidiarity) (232)
D. Wholesome Sex Education (241)
E. Some Elements of a Good Christian Spirituality (250)

Conclusion in PDF format online

CONCLUSION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 258

INDEX . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .259

Some Short Reviews

"Premarital Sex and Love is an outstanding resource for anyone who seeks a clear and comprehensive understanding of the true meaning of human sexuality and love within the tradition of the Catholic Church. The author is in touch with the current pulse of modern secular society. He presents theologically well balanced and convincing arguments regarding the necessity for sexual abstinence outside the context of married life." - Stéphane Ouimet, B.Ed., a teacher, young single woman, and part-time counselor and President of the Edmonton Pregnancy Crisis Center. She has also partly completed the Masters of Divinity program.

"As an educator, I highly recommend Paul Flaman's book to other educators who may encounter questions from students on premarital sex and love. Not only does the book give a detailed presentation regarding the background of relevant Church teachings but it also thoroughly discusses many of the most commonly asked moral questions. Moreover, it gives many practical suggestions to help people grow in loving relationships." - Mary Ellen Robinson, B.Ed., G.D.R.E. (Graduate Diploma in Religious Education).

"This is a fine resource for professional and volunteer youth ministers. Dr. Flaman presents a balanced and thoughtful consideration of this timely topic. He effectively integrates relevant insights from theology, sociology, psychology, spirituality, counseling and catechesis." - Julie Kohler, BScN, MDiv, Director of Campus Ministry, St. Joseph's College, University of Alberta. Julie is married and a mother of three teenage children.

"Those working in marriage preparation have to respond to many questions about premarital sex. Dr. Flaman's book provides answers to fit Catholic traditions. However, its value is not limited solely to Roman Catholics. We recommend it strongly to all those involved in marriage prep - in programs such as Engaged Encounter and in parishes." - Rod and Gabby Stutchbury, Past Executive Couple, Catholic Engaged Encounter (Canada); and Past Members of the Executive Committee of Catholic Engaged Encounter International.

"Paul Flaman's Premarital Sex and Love combines a thorough knowledge of Scripture with the teachings on human love from the Fathers, even proceeds to modern Church teachings providing a physiological basis for moral arguments and the teachings. Cogent arguments against the prevalent permissive mind set are presented ably. The last section provides practical solutions for both teachers and counselors. A worthwhile addition for anyone who attempts to deal with youth and sexuality." - Hanna Klaus, M.D., Executive Director of the Teen STAR (Sexuality Teaching in the Context of Adult Responsibility) Program, a Catholic sex and chastity education program that is used with thousands of young people every year.

"This is an informative, thoughtful, fine piece of work. It will fill a real need, a gap in Christian literature. Although it includes much research and is scholarly, it is not only suited for academics and professionals who work with young people. It is written in a manner that is accessible to any educated lay reader including college and university students and parents. Catholic and other Christian libraries should have a copy of this book." - Richard Tetreau, S.T.L., M.L.S., Ph.D., Head Librarian of Regis College, Toronto School of Theology. Richard and his wife have recently raised three children through adolescence.

"Paul Flaman's Premarital Sex and Love: In the Light of Human Experience and Following Jesus is a superb text on this subject from the Catholic perspective. It is lucidly written, comprehensive in scope, rooted in the scriptures and the Catholic tradition. It provides an integral vision of the human person, provides clear criteria for making god moral choices, and takes up in depth contemporary arguments to justify premarital sex and responds to them intelligently and cogently. I found it a very helpful presentation." Professor William May, moral theologian, Pope John Paul II Institute of Marriage and the Family, Washington, D.C.

From the Author's Introduction:

"It is my hope that this book will provide a valuable resource for many people. ...theologians... [and] others who are involved with people in the premarital stage of their lives such as many teachers, counselors, pastors, priests, youth ministers, campus ministers, professors, health care professionals, social workers, parents, others involved in sex and chastity education, those providing marriage preparation, friends, etc. I also hope that many people who are in the premarital stage of their lives, such as many university and college students, will find this book to be a valuable resource and helpful guide. Because the issues treated here are of profound significance in the lives of numerous people (many of whom are not academics or Catholics or Christians), I have attempted to combine sound scholarship with a pastoral approach."

The Author:

Paul Flaman is an Associate Professor of Christian Theology at St. Joseph's College, the University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada. He has been teaching Christian theology courses in the areas of human sexuality, marriage, bioethics, catechetics and spirituality since 1983. He received his doctorate in Catholic theology from the Pontifical University of St. Thomas Aquinas (Angelicum) in Rome in 1985. He is married and has three children.

Ordering Information

For information on the cost and ordering of a copy of the book printed by University of Alberta Printing Services (Quality Color Press) in an 8 1/2 by 11 format, coil bound e-mail: pflaman@ualberta.ca The whole book has not been formally published but Chapters 1, 2, 5, 7.D and 9.D have been published with some minor modifications as articles in the Journal of the Fellowship of Catholic Scholars/Amicale Des Savants Catholiques Canada.

This page was last updated July 8, 2004.