October 17, 2024 By Spencer
YouAlberta is written by students for students.
Entering their final year of Honors Philosophy, Spencer (They/He) is from the Edmonton area. He has two cats, enjoys TTRPGs and is eager to take on any creative project. On campus, they work as a CPE at the Career Centre and can often be found in the Undergrad Philosophy Assoc. office in ASH 2-21.
As queerness becomes more accepted in professional settings, the historic underrepresentation of queer people in these spaces can cause some cultural snags. Having worked as a career peer educator with the Career Centre on North Campus, I’ve had clients express concerns about integrating into different workplaces that may not accept their identity. There is no doubt that these challenges are real, and navigating them is no easy task.
My hope is to inform both queer and non-queer individuals on what to expect and what to avoid when addressing queerness in the workplace. More specifically, I have settled on three ‘Unfortunate Ally Archetypes,’ which represent my experience with the predominant ways in which well-meaning coworkers can mistakenly be harmful in their pursuit of ally-ship.
Workplaces need to work for you. There's no professional environment where stifling your identity should be a requirement. As a unique individual, your perspective matters, and policing yourself to conform can distract you from offering that perspective. While the inclination can be to fit the role for the sake of security, real professional progress comes from embracing your identity and running with it.
Here are the main three Unfortunate Ally Archetypes you may encounter (or may hope to avoid embodying) while trying to embrace dynamic identities:
From a place of very sincere hope to be supportive, a person can get a bit overzealous in showing that they are hip and with it. This archetype will often assume you have personally seen every piece of queer media (Drag Race, musicals, hyperpop, etc.) and will start talking about it at you. In some instances, this ally may also cling to whatever connection they have to the queer community (gay brother, trans aunt, poly cousin etc.) and will make sure you know all about it.
The only concern with this ally is that, while they may emphasize the ‘bravery’ of living authentically, their assessment of this authenticity as bravery requires a view of queerness as an exception.
While this ally can overlap with the prior category, this archetype is eager to learn and learn from you specifically. It is very possible that they have never encountered another queer person, and they are desperate to be in the know. As a result, you are assumed to be a repository of all knowledge of all things queer and queer-adjacent.
The problem with this archetype is its similarity to the stereotype of assuming a person of a minority group must know another person of the same minority group. It lumps the out-group (in this case, queer people) as a monolith, where everyone meets for tea on Sundays and swaps all the LGBTQ+ updates.
As an inverse of the prior ally, this archetype can be easily confused for a foe. Upon learning of your queer identity, they may distance themselves from you or avoid any informal conversation beyond what is necessary for the role. While it may be easy to assume that their distance is a result of discomfort, the reality may be that there is a sincere fear of being offensive towards you. Similarly to the prior ally, you might be their first queer person, and they may be aware that they have some problematic beliefs but be unsure of how to address them.
This ally is challenging because the real root of the problem is a sense of nervousness about how to engage with queer people. As a result, they can only really gain confidence with practice, but it's important to remember that it is not your job to be a source for that practice.
Ultimately, you are who you are, and losing ground on your identity is just a recipe for long-term dissatisfaction. Ideally, you’ll have a workplace that remembers that you’re an individual and not a mere instantiation of a demographic. If it's the case that you encounter these unfortunate allies, it's important to remember that their goal is to be on your side; it may be performative or sincere, but in either case, you have a right to genuine acceptance in the workplace. It’s okay to talk to a manager or HR personnel to bring up these concerns for your comfort and to help your coworkers support you how you want to be supported.
You also are who you are; there is no need to warp yourself to try and be an ally. While it’s important to check your biases and listen to queer people when they voice concerns, the conclusion cannot be to further alienate or otherize queer people (intentionally or not). You don’t need to be queer to empathize with the difficulties they face, as the challenges of queerness are ultimately the challenges of being human.
Being the best ally comes from recognizing and embracing the humanity of queer people above all else. Trying to balance fitting in with being honest with your identity; trying to find love when you’re not sure who you can love; having hobbies or interests that may be countercultural — while these difficulties are often exacerbated with queer identity, they are by no means unique to the queer community. By being honest, kind and considerate to all people, you will likely end up a good ally along the way.
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