How to Be Your Own Mentor

COVID-19 has disrupted our opportunities for networking, our social circles, and just about every aspect of our lives. Without the constant presence of our role models, our habits might shift and we suddenly find ourselves more vulnerable to influences on social media. We are constantly faced with information on the internet, a lot of which consciously or subconsciously influences our behavior. So how do we make the best decision for ourselves? How can we, as students, become mentors to ourselves during difficult times when our options for connection feel limited? 

A mentor is oftentimes someone who we can rely on to help guide our personal or professional journey. Being our own mentor doesn’t mean that we stop seeking advice from others, but rather it’s a form of self-awareness. To make positive changes in our lives means first being aware of the multitude of factors that influence our decisions and habits. While a mentor can provide us with those insights from a different perspective, there is value in observing our own habits and behaviours to understand where we can improve. 

Part of being your own mentor is to picture an older, wiser version of yourself and seeking their advice. The best part of being our own mentors is the ability to check-in with yourself any time without fear of time constraints or inconvenience to another person. 

So now that I’ve convinced you to be your own mentor, where should you start? 

Start with goals.  As students we’re familiar with setting academic goals like scoring an A on the next midterm, or procrastinating less on the next term essay. But many of us miss the opportunity to set goals outside of academia. Whether these are career, financial, personal, spiritual, or relationship goals, these are all important elements that can help us become more well-rounded people. When I was younger, I had a journal of small goals I set for myself, but I quickly realized that I would burn out quickly or simply neglect the goals because they were too ambitious or farfetched. So how can we be practical but aspirational at the same time? You may have heard of the term SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely goals are ones that increase the chance of attaining your goals. It’s a framework used by many organizations to help individuals stay accountable. For example, instead of writing “I will finish my term essay today,” try "I will finish three paragraphs of my term essay by Wednesday afternoon." There’s a much higher chance that you will reach that specific goal. 

Keep out the Automatic Negative Thoughts. Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT) are negative thought patterns that can sneak up on our mind. Evolutionarily our ancestors benefited from these thoughts which helped them stay alert and be aware of their surroundings. However, these patterns of thinking can quickly take hold and progress into anxiety. Our inner monologue might sound like this: 

• “I should stop thinking this way.” 
• “I need to eat healthier.” 
• “I skipped working out again.” 
• “I can’t cope with this.” 
• “I’m going to mess up.” 
• “What if I fail this exam?” 

One of the greatest things about our mind is that it is trainable. We can learn through what’s known in psychology as cognitive restructuring, which involves identifying these patterns and rephrasing them in a more productive way. Oftentimes, our ANTs are an overestimation of the situation and how dire it is. Moreover, it’s an underestimation of our ability to overcome it. Our brain projects a future as if it has already happened. 

Through meditation, I've learned to replace these thoughts with this sentence:

“I notice that I am having these thoughts. I acknowledge that this is something I wish to change.” 

By acknowledging and staying aware of our thoughts, we are better able to change the narrative. Check in with yourself about whether you have the ability to overcome your concerns, and write or speak aloud self-affirmations such as: “I am strong, I am confident and I can overcome this.” Despite how cheesy I initially believed these behavioral changes were, they have been immensely helpful in helping me break the cycle of negative thoughts. 

Monitor your progress. While goals can change overtime, being a good mentor means having weekly check-ins to see if your progress aligns with our goals. For example, now that I am nearing the end of my degree, I am actively searching for job opportunities. The initial job search process can be overwhelming: writing cover letters, updating resumes, and reaching out to a multitude of recruiters. Each of these are tasks that cannot be completed within a single day while I am also completing a full-time internship. However, when I set small goals such as finishing one job application per evening, I find that I have much better results. By keeping track of these goals either through a journal or an Excel spreadsheet, I can better visualize the progress I'mmaking. If you’ve reached a goal already, revising and moving the goal post further should help further boost your personal, academic, and professional growth.

If you’re stuck, ask for help. Being your own mentor is about looking inwards, but remembering that there’s always help when you need it is important. Even if you don't have a single mentor to rely on, there are always professionals who are experts in their field who might be able to help shed light on your own goals. Some organizations function as connectors that direct students to the right resources or experts. The U of A’s resources, whether it’s for remote learning or mental health, are a valuable avenue to explore when you’re stuck. Beyond the U of A community, there are  experts you can find through your employer or extra-curricular organizations. I enjoy reaching out to my social circles, typically peers who are older than myself or those who are more familiar about a subject matter, many of whom would be willing to connect via a Zoom call. Sometimes reaching out can provoke some anxiety—for myself, the ANTs can take hold. However it’s about reframing them in a positive way that has helped me develop meaningful relationships during the pandemic. 

[Editor's note: The Undergradute Research Initiative and Peter Lougheed Leadership College are some other U of A programs that offer opportunities for mentorship.]