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In March 2020 I went from learning Italian in a beautiful Tuscan town and meeting people from all over the world to flying (with 10-hour layovers) back to Edmonton amid a lockdown. It has now been 20+ months of living alone.
In early lockdown days, I felt better knowing the grocery store was all most of us had as a place of connection. We were all sharing in the loneliness and not as alone as we thought.
Come December 2021, there is a lot to be grateful for:
Somehow I have made it to the end of 2021 with only two diagnosed mental disorders.
I have a beautiful corner of plants in my home.
I have learned to enjoy my own company.
Let me first acknowledge that you can be perfectly happy alone and still want companionship, platonic or romantic. It is normal to need interaction, community and support. But we can also make the most of our time spent solo.
Here are ways I've learned to enjoy my own company and build a healthy relationship with myself:
Tour your own city
For most of March 2020, travel was nearly impossible. Our field trips had to be cancelled and all of Italy was closed off to me. We all spent a day talking about what would happen next, and I freaked out about the possibility of dying of Covid-19 and if I was destined to haunt the hotel forever.
But then I found an underground art gallery with an old Etruscan well in the ground. I bought paintings and learned about local artists. I also stumbled upon a church I had not seen before, and a stunning trail. On our last day, we saw a gorgeous Franciscan church The Convent de Le Celle.
Back in Edmonton, when places opened back up, I found the Old Strathcona Farmers' Market to be a lovely weekend spot. There are also plant stores and art galleries to check out, as well as trails all over town worth seeing. A personal challenge of mine is to find which McDonald’s serves the best coffee.
Read (or slow down)
As someone with an ADHD brain, it is hard for me to slow down.
When all the Netflix shows started to merge into one another, my alternative was reading. It felt like it had been years since a book consumed my attention like Frederick Backman’s Anxious People did. This incredible book about shared human experiences and an accidental hostage situation makes a comedic and wholesome read.
I slept better if I read in bed, my commute became more interesting with a book and I discovered I don’t enjoy self-help books as much as I used to.
Finding my way back to a habit so comforting was an incredibly rewarding experience and I don’t intend to slip. Find an old habit or hobby that you used to enjoy pre-pandemic or pre-adulthood.
Ghost social media
Waiting for your phone to buzz with a notification is the modern equivalent of waiting for the letter-carrying pigeon. I thought I had deactivated my Instagram and realized, a month and 20 messages later, that I had not.
But here’s the cool thing: when I wasn't checking Instagram, I did not miss anything that was important. People who were close to me were able to reach me and it took two days for me to respond to everyone at my own pace.
I loved the freedom I got from not checking my phone all the time or waiting for stimulation. I hope to return to a less “online” world with frequent breaks from social media. I enjoyed the company of friends in person, and still met new people through other people.
Touch something green
I found excuses to get out all summer. Even as it gets colder, looking at trees or catching some fake-warm sun has made a big difference for me. I try to get out every day now and my plants at home bring some nature in! Here is a photo of my plant corner after I propagated a few more:
While we are surrounded by screens, it helps to change the visuals day-to-day. Go out, stomp on some leaves and pet a dog (or a cat or a human, with consent).
Grow sh*t
Don’t try to grow a palm tree in the middle of winter (although if you find magic beans, I deserve some credit for the suggestion). The idea here is to focus on the progress or growth of something that is important to you.
Growing new habits, a collection of books you love or even actual plants can give some direction to our days. For me, it was improving my cooking skills over the summer. I learned to make three types of pasta sauces from scratch!
I also literally grew plants. I have 20 now! The newest one is lovingly named Voldepot. If you want green friends, Pothos is a cheaper plant that can be propagated endlessly. You can also borrow a cutting from a friend. Place the cutting in water until it sprouts roots, then plant in some soil, water and name your plant child.
Whether it was growing plants or cooking food for myself, working on new things helped me enjoy my time alone. Seeing my plants and my pasta-making skills grow has been very rewarding!
Pick up after yourself
My brain is usually scattered, and it's worse if my environment is too. Cleaning my space helps me clear my head, and this used to get ignored as I rushed from one place to another, dumping clothes on the floor or my bed (Marie Kondo’s nightmare, basically). Messy spaces do not bring joy.
Throughout the pandemic, cleaning my apartment has become a good ritual on weekends. This is easier said than done, so I choose to start with the space I see the most (or the space that is easiest to clean) and set a timer.
The past two years have highlighted our need for companionship more than ever. With the pandemic (hopefully) coming to an end, I hope we’ll find a balance between parties and solo nights in.
If your feelings are affecting your mental or physical health and wellbeing, and you are looking for someone to talk to, we have some incredible resources on campus!
About Khadija
Khadija is a third-year Economics and Psychology major in the Faculty of Arts. She can be found naming her new plants or propagating others from produce. She will grow pretty much anything the Canadian weather allows for. Khadija enjoys hiking, finding waterfalls and lakes to dip in specifically. Her main adulthood goal is to start a blog for her dog. Once she has the dog.