YouAlberta
To those who are grieving,
There are no words. No words that will take away or change how you are feeling.
But let me say, I know it all too well. I see you.
The moment when you wake up and remember, interrupting that dreamless sleep that hasn’t felt restful in weeks or even months.
It’s somehow always the first thing on your mind — the disbelief, the anger and the sadness become all-consuming.
Yet, the world keeps churning, carrying on as usual, even though nothing feels right anymore. Everything’s changed. How could the world possibly move forward so easily?
Days drag on while also moving so rapidly you can’t catch your breath. Basic tasks become insurmountable mountains, with dishes piling up in the sink and a fridge sitting almost empty.
All the things you enjoy don’t spark even a flicker of happiness.
Being a student and being with friends and family is harder than ever. Maybe you stay silent, pretending so strongly that you trick yourself momentarily — because perhaps you have successfully ‘kept it together’ this time.
Behind it all is a tightness in your chest, a teardrop waiting to fall, an incurable pain and a broken heart. Or maybe you feel nothing at all, just an aching and persistent numbness.
You miss the person you loved and lost so deeply, but you also miss who you were when you were with them. Memories that you grip onto so tightly, knowing that they are ultimately all you have left of them.
And now, on top of it all, it’s a season when we’re meant to be joyous, merry, happy and jolly — even though you couldn’t be further from any of those things.
As I navigate the uncharted territory of my own grief this holiday season, I must be honest: I don’t really know what to do. I don’t know how to process, how to hold it. Right now, I wish this Christmas would just pass by like any other day. The sadness feels inescapable, and no holiday can intervene.
Though I’m lost, I do know that whatever form your grief takes, it’s normal — and okay.
Let it out. Give yourself permission to feel. If it needs to be a grim holiday season, let it be. Be angry, be sad — lay on the floor and cry.
It’s okay to shut off the radio playing jolly tunes 24/7, to step away from a family gathering for some alone time, to keep those decorations in a box this year or to eat Kraft Dinner instead of baking cookies.
And, if you only have the capacity to do one thing, do this: think of something you can do to remember your lost loved one. Watch a movie they loved, drink a beverage they liked or look at some old photos or videos. Invite some friends to join you or not, but either way, remember your loved one and sit with your grief.
Ultimately, the only way through grief is … unfortunately and painfully, by grieving.
There are no words. No words that will take away or change what you are feeling. But let me say, I know it all too well.
And, I see you.
Love from,
Someone grieving their close friend of 15 years.
If you’re dealing with grief and would like support, here are some U of A services and resources: